bell hooks + New Year's Eve Eve Feelings
Self-acceptance is hard for many of us. There is a voice inside that is constantly judging, first ourselves and then others. That voice enjoys the indulgence of an endless negative critique. Because we have learned to believe negativity is more realistic, it appears more real than any positive voice. Once we being to replace negative thinking with positive thinking, it becomes utterly clear that, far from being realistic, negative thinking is absolutely disenabling. When we are positive we not only accept and affirm ourselves, we are able to affirm and accept others. The more we accept ourselves, the better prepared we are to take responsibility in all areas of our lives. Commenting on this third pillar of self-esteem, Branden defines self-responsibility as the willingness ‘to take responsibility for my actions and the attainment of my goals…for my life and well-being’ Taking responsibility does not mean that we deny the reality of institutionalised injustice. For example, racism, sexism and homophobia all create barriers and concrete incidents of discrimination. Simply taking responsibility does not mean that we can prevent discriminatory acts from happening. But we can choose how we respond to acts of injustice. Taking responsibility means that in the face of barriers we still have the capacity to invent our lives, to shape our destinies in ways that maximise our well-being. Every day we practice this shape-shifting to cope with realities we cannot easily change.
bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions
Hi Nora,
We lost a great writer a couple of weeks ago, as many of you most likely already know. bell hooks taught me so much, and came into my life when I was in dire need of a mind like hers. I learned so much from the way she thought and wrote: about the world, about love, about social justice and about her experience of life and being a Black woman. I find the pressure to immediately react and form thoughts about those we have lost via social media annoying, though I have often done it myself. bell hooks meant a lot to me and I have felt grief over her loss in the past couple of weeks and engaged in a quiet celebration of her life and work.
The above passage from All About Love is a pertinent reflection for this time of year, when the end of the year arrives and there's all this external pressure to change, become, transform, set goals, sign up to a gym membership, do a cleanse, become an entirely different person, have a body transplant. It's as if the culture only allows us to indulge over the holidays if then we repent for it for all of January. I'm (obvs) big on self-improvement, but a huge part of self-improvement, for me, is self-acceptance. I aim to quiet my inner critic so that I may create, exist and live as myself. May that be so for you, too.
This line encapsulates what I'd like to take into 2022, in honour of the potent memory of bell hooks: ‘Taking responsibility means that in the face of barriers we still have the capacity to invent our lives, to shape our destinies in ways that maximise our well-being. Every day we practice this shape-shifting to cope with realities we cannot easily change.’
Thank you bell hooks, your life was a blessing and your work will endure.
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I'm also going live today at 5 pm EST on Instagram (in TEN minutes!) and leading a short pranayama to take you into New Year's Eve with some ease.